


Allegiant

by melpothalia



Category: Divergent (Movies), Divergent (Movies) RPF, Divergent - All Media Types, Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-20
Updated: 2021-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-26 11:41:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30105417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melpothalia/pseuds/melpothalia
Summary: A look at what could have happened the night Allegiant premiered.
Relationships: Theo James/Shailene Woodley
Kudos: 1





	1. Getting Ready

**Author's Note:**

> Based on real events and interviews.  
> Inspired by the song "High Hopes", by Kodaline.  
> I mean no disrespect to the people involved.

_Broken bottles in the hotel lobby  
Seems to me like I'm just scared of never feeling it again  
I know it's crazy to believe in silly things  
But it's not that easy_

Throughout all those interviews, he did his best to stay away. To keep a straight face. To don’t be too intimate on camera. He pushed everyone away. He just wanted to move on. If he _had_ to move on, might as well get used to it.

That day, he took his time getting dressed. He had no rush. The thoughts of walking down that red carpet with all eyes on him, the endless questions about the last movie, the idea of saying goodbye, it was all too overwhelming for him. While tying his tie, he kept on reassuring himself. He just needed to get through that night and a few more interviews the following days and that would be it. In a way, he felt relieved it was all coming to an end. Cause he couldn’t hold that mask for much longer.

But there was something that broke down his walls: a laugh from her, a shy smile, a joke. She was unaware of everything, just kept acting as she always did: positive and joyful. _An endless beaming ray of positive sunlight to a grumpy guy_ , he once said. And when she was kind to him, he couldn’t keep himself from smiling. When she joked, he joked back. As if he was secretly apologising for shutting her out. In spite of what he had decided to do… or not to do.

A final look in the mirror. He took his wallet and put it in his shirt’s pocket, room keys in one hand and his fingers frozen on the doorknob. Before he turned it, he rushed back to his bedside table and drank the rest of his brandy at once. Maybe it would make things easier. Then he left to pick up his girlfriend.

What he was clueless about was that she noticed. A few rooms away, while putting her high heels on, she kept thinking of how cold and indifferent he was acting, and though she couldn’t exactly figure out why, she wondered if it had to do with her. When they were alone, his effort to act normal was clear, even though she knew him too well to know he was faking it. But in interviews, it was even worse… he kept a serious face, seemed bored and upset and avoided jokes or flirtation. He kept himself from as much as looking at her. He focused strictly on their characters and storyline and didn’t treat her as his friend, just as a “talented actress and colleague”. It’s as if he didn’t want the world to know they got along.

This eventually got to her. She couldn’t keep on acting normal with him. Like back when they’d laugh through interviews and play games. Even though she’d always smile and be nice with everyone, she learnt to be more cautious around him. She felt like he wanted to keep a distance from everything, and that included her.

Theo arrived at the _Allegiant_ Premiere first, hand in hand with a gorgeous blonde. Flashes, lights, crowd, noise. Would this be a happy occasion, it would have been the most outstanding party. Not to him, though. She kissed his cheek and let him do what he had to do. Someone called his name and he posed for some pictures. Several interviews followed. On one of them, he found himself saying:

– I think they have mutual respect for one another, which is important. I know that sounds like bullshit but… you know, it’s not a relationship based on high angst and being over emotional, it’s two people who do kind of respect each other, so that affords them an ability to go in different directions.

He’s not sure where those words came from, if it was whether about Tris and Four’s relationship he was talking about, or whether about the lies he told himself. Him and Shailene… _as if_ their friendship could survive distance and time.

He kept talking to the press for the next minutes. Shailene arrived a bit later. Theo saw her nearby chatting with the guy he had just talked to. She looked pretty and radiant. She was asked about her outfit and he heard her saying:

– It’s got two pockets to put fun things in and… Actually, it’s not a pocket! It’s a full uni! It’s a full… wow! Oh my God! That’s amaziiiing!!! – she says with a raspy voice.

– Did you just come to this conclusion just now? – the interviewer just laughs, amused.

– I did!! You guys, this is a special, lucky video! I have a kangaroo pouch in my onesie!!! – her green eyes shine brighter with a childish commotion as she jumps, as excited as a kid on Christmas morning.

His heart filled with affection for her. She was so adorable. He discreetly shared a smile, much like Four did when Tris hopped on that train, before regaining his composure. The black cloud was always there, hanging over his head and making him contain himself.

– It’s gotta feel like working with family at this point, right?

– Yeah, it does! – the way she wrinkles her nose is endearing. – It’s really nice! We’re really lucky for everybody to feel really comfortable and really safe with one another, and not only with the actors, with the crew! It’s a really fortunate situation!

She noticed him there and they exchanged a look. He nodded to greet her. She offered him a mild smile and went on talking to the reporter. Theo headed to the special mini bar they had put together, with special _Allegiant_ inspired cocktails. He sure could use one.

The guy noticed how in low spirits he was and asked:

– Are you good? Is everything alright?

– I’m feeling good, man! It’s all good…

He seemed to both try to convince himself and to cover up the wave of anguish taking over him. They made him a few random questions, till they watched Shailene nearby and asked her to join them. She approached the group and even though she smiled, she wasn’t that at ease.

– You have the “Beyond The Wall”, right? – pointing to his cocktail and then exclaimed, pointing to hers: – You have the “Truth Serum”! – which meant that he was daring her to confess something. – What was the funniest, weirdest moment you guys had on screen together and didn’t tell anybody?

– There was a moment in the first movie… – she genuinely laughs while her mind flashes back to that moment. It made him give her a tender smile – … where Theo accidentally, kind of accidentally…

– I pulled your pants down?

– … grabbed my pants and pulled them down… very far… – they all laugh.

For a moment, he got lost on her laugh, on her eyes. Her vibrant energy and sweetness conquered him. Yet, as soon as he glances at the camera, he snaps back, looking stern.

– Yeah, I did that as a “joke” accident.

– Yeah, it was super joke!

– Why would you do that?! – the guy asks him in an accusatory tone, laughing.

Theo gives him a half smile and shrugs.

– Okay, now… Theo, you have the “Beyond The Wall”, time for a little dare – the female interviewer teases. 

_Uh-oh_. He tries to conceal his concern, but he’s not sure it’s working.

– You’ll have to ask someone to dance with you! – she glances at Shailene, hoping he would take the hint.

_I knew it._

– That’s not something you want to see, trust me! I’m a terrible dancer.

– Oh, come on, don’t be shy! Keiynan did it too!

– I’ll make you a deal, I’ll meet your request midway and if I see someone tonight willing to sacrifice their feet, I’ll ask them – he tries to joke, in spite of his discomfort. Out of the corner of his eye, he notices Shai’s awkward look. To anyone else, she looked happy. But he knew better. It wasn’t one of her real smiles, those ones that can light up the room.

After the conversation, they ask for pictures: Theo puts his hand lightly on her shoulder. The thought of crossing the boundaries he had traced makes him nervous. He gulps. Shai smiles, but she doesn’t mean it. She’s so unsure of how to behave. She tries not to touch him, not to cross any lines.

Someone calls out her name and, after apologising to the party, she rushes out of there, thankful for having an excuse.


	2. Ansel's Birthday Party

_I remember it now, it takes me back to when it all first started  
But I've only got myself to blame for it, and I accept it now  
It's time to let it go, go out and start again  
But it's not that easy_

Hours had passed after the screening. Shailene rushed back to her hotel room and changed into something more comfortable for Ansel’s birthday party and agreed to meet them later. In the meantime, the guys were busy pulling all sorts of pranks to the birthday boy, and the sole reason he put up with it was because he was too nice. And also because, in reality, he was amused by those weird displays of affection.

The gang was together, and while plenty of Ansel’s friends they didn’t know were also there, the atmosphere was relaxed. Miles was indeed “buying” him a lot of free drinks, as he had promised, since it was an open bar, and Zoë tore up the dance floor. Ansel’s girlfriend Violetta had been talking to the blonde girl Theo brought; Ruth was her name. They seemed to hit it off straight away.

It was way past 11pm when they got together for a more private toast.

– Shouldn’t we wait for Shae? – Maggie pointed out.

– She texted me, she must be arriving any minute now – Zoë announced.

Theo recalled he hadn’t seen her in a while and wondered where she had been, when Shailene’s figure emerged from a large crowd across the room. She ran towards them and hugged Ansel for the hundredth time that day. 

– Birthday boy! – she screamed.

– Shai!

– Did I miss the birthday cake? 

– Not at all! You’re just in time, we’re about to make a toast – he said, handing her a glass of _Champagne_.

– Nah, thanks, I’ve had enough alcohol for one night.

– _Whaaat?!_ You’re refusing to drink on my birthday??

– Oh, I hope you’ll be able to forgive me one day!

– Not sure I can… At least, toast with us!

– Well, okay, I’ll do whatever you ask, but only cause it’s your birthday. And because you deserve a break, I know these guys already tortured you enough today…

– Damn Shai, you missed me pulling his pants down when he headed to the stage to sing – Miles shared the episode with a hint of pride in his tone.

– You did NOT!

– He sure did – Theo confirmed, a smile creeping across his face.

Shailene looked at him briefly, but didn’t answer. She just wanted to enjoy her evening, so she was determined to don’t talk to him unless he’d address her first.

– Shall we? – Violetta called their attention and they all toasted. Exclamations of “cheers” and glasses clinking filled the air, followed by hugs and kisses for Ansel. They started to have side conversations, since it was a relatively large group. Shailene was chatting with Maggie when Ruth approached her:

– Hi, guys… sorry to interrupt! I just wanted to say I really liked the movie! Congratulations!

– Wow, thanks! That’s so sweet of you! – Shailene exclaimed, surprised. She had never really talked with Ruth before. They had only crossed paths a few times when she visited the set.

– Shailene, that sequence where Tris stops the gas release was brilliant! You quite nailed it. I must say, I saw you in _The Fault In Our Stars_ and I loved it, but it’s quite refreshing to see you in action movies. You should do more!

– Yes, I’m definitely interested in it, but there’s so many opportunities for young actresses in romantic movies… that’s what I’ve been doing more lately.

– Well, in a way, _Allegiant_ is also a romantic movie… or there wouldn’t be any kissing scenes, right? – Ruth winked, as Shailene looked a bit awkward. – Don’t worry, I’m just messing with you! No hard feelings – she laughed, amused. Shailene blushed.

– Yeah, it helps when you work with such a close friend – she immediately changed the subject, as she was getting uncomfortable. – You’re also working on a comedy series, right? I believe Theo mentioned something about it… 

– Yes, exactly! Actually, it was released a few days ago! I’m super excited!

– No kidding! So, you must be quite busy the next few weeks?

Theo was laughing at one of Miles’ jokes when he noticed them joyfully talking to each other. Never in so many years he had seen those two exchanging more than a few words, and now they looked like friends. Although he had no idea why, he felt uncomfortable. Like that wasn’t supposed to happen. _Come on, Theo, they’re just talking… what’s wrong with you?_ Miles’ voice dragged him out of his own thoughts:

– Earth to Theo! Did you hear what I just said?! – when he looked confused, Miles clarified: – We’re planning to go to a club after singing _Happy Birthday_ to him, are you in?

– Sure, sure…

Everyone got together to sing _Happy Birthday_ and eat the cake not long after that. Confettis, dance and music extended the party for another hour, until Ansel reunited the guys and rushed them to go to the club. That’s when Ruth took the opportunity to tell Theo:

– Honey, I’m going to take off, I’m getting tired.

– Oh, already? Okay, let me take you…

– No, stay with your friends! I’ll get a taxi, don’t worry. This is your last night all together, you should enjoy it.

– Sure you don’t want to stay for a little while?

– I’m pretty much wasted. Besides, I have to wake up early tomorrow, so I guess I’ll sleep at my hotel tonight. That way, you can get home late without waking me up.

– Good thinking… Let me at least walk you out!

When she was already inside the car, she opened the window a little, as he wished her goodnight:

– Goodnight, love you!

– I’ll call you in the morning! – she promised, blowing him a kiss.

Theo watched the taxi taking her away until it turned the corner. The idea that everyone was waiting for him crossed his mind; still, he needed a few minutes alone. It was chilly, but he was grateful for the fresh air making its way through his shirt; it helped him to cool down. The feeling of unease that had momentarily left him during the party came back stronger. He knew why. Simply because seeing them both side by side confronted him with his decision. Simply because he _chose_. He chose comfort over restlessness; right over wrong; lover over love. Maybe a right choice, or so it seemed, but a tough one. To anyone else, he had everything he could ever wish for: amazing friends, a prosperous career and a wonderful girlfriend. She was lovely, she was kind, she was accomplished. Yes, she was great. But she wasn’t _her_.

Time seemed to go by fast to everyone but him. The club was welcoming, with nice decor and good music, and it wasn’t too crowded. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to enjoy it. Unlike his friends, who seemed to not have a care in this world, he was stuck like glue to the counter, holding on for dear life to his vodka martini.

Shailene and Zoë left the group and approached the bar.

– You’re not going to join us on the dancefloor, Theo?

– Nah, Zoë, I’m good.

– But you have been sitting here by yourself all night!

– I have no energy left. How you two can dance for one hour straight, I will never know.

Shailene heard the whole conversation, but didn’t butt in. She addressed the bartender and ordered two beers.

– Beer?! Oh, please!!

– Well, I don’t know about you, Zoë, but I’m thirsty.

Zoë drank it at once, and exclaimed:

– Done! Now, order tequila shots. – Theo laughed out loud; that was such a _Zoë_ thing to do. Shai rolled her eyes, but obeyed her request. She holds up three fingers and three shots are served. Zoë pushes one of them towards Theo and puts salt in her hand.

– To friendship and just a fucking great night!

They all toast. Shailene is still sucking her wedge of lime when Zoë grabs her hand and drags her back to the dance floor. Theo just stood there, a soft smile dancing on his lips, while watching the group’s vibrant energy. He was going to miss them.

Unlike he had suspected, it didn’t last long until they were all wasted. At 4am, they agreed to go home. Already outside the club, Ansel was holding Miles to keep him from passing out on the street and asked Violetta to help him taking him home. Zoë and Maggie shared a car and were planning on taking a detour to drop Shailene at her hotel. But Theo didn’t want the night to end without having the chance of saying goodbye to her. He couldn’t. So, he proposed to take her, since they’d go to the same place. Shailene agreed, not wanting people to think they were not on speaking terms.


	3. Our Way Home

_But I've got high hopes, it takes me back to when we started  
High hopes, when you let it go, go out and start again_

The ride home was silent. She kept on looking out the window, focusing on the buildings: speed made them overlap each other. He knew she wouldn’t say anything, but he just wanted a few moments alone with her. Her presence was enough.

As they made their way to the hotel lobby, he casually said:

– Tonight was fun…

– Yes, it was… – she agreed, absentminded.

– And Ansel looked happy… – he mentioned after a few quiet moments, while pressing their floor button on the lift.

– He deserved a nice party – she says, fixing her eyes on the floor numbers until it reaches theirs. They both step into the hall. She looks at him one last time, but doesn’t say a word.

– Goodnight, then.

– Goodnight – she replies, while entering her room.

After closing the door, she let her purse fall on the floor and put her jacket on the armchair. She was determined to not bring it up, she was fighting her instincts of going there, humiliating herself. But this was perhaps her last chance of talking to him about it. She lost the battle against herself. In less than two minutes, she was knocking on his door.

– Shai… hi… did you forget anything in the car?

– Why? – she simply asked.

– What do you mean? – he asked, confused.

– Why are you behaving like this? Am I the problem? Did I do something to you?

He bit his lip and shook his head.

– No, Shai, you didn’t do anything – he sounded emotionally drained. His tone caught her by surprise, but she wanted explanations and wasn’t willing to back down.

– Then, what is going on with you?! We used to be good friends and now you barely look my way…

– Shai, it’s not you. I’m just going through some stuff lately…

– Then, tell me! If you have problems, just talk to me, don’t shut me out!

– I can’t talk to you. Not about this.

– What the f…? – she was about to curse really loud, but when she realised it, she stopped herself and lowered her voice. – This is not a conversation to have in the hall. Let me in and we’ll discuss it…

– That’s not such a good idea.

She looked at him incredulous. _Not a good idea?_ Unable to respond to that last statement, she simply walked past him, bumping on his shoulder on purpose. He had no other choice but to close the door with a heavy sigh.

– Are you out of your mind!? Do you even hear yourself?

– I have my reasons.

– I’m sure you do, who knows, maybe I’m a serial killer and you’re my first victim – she exaggerates her mocking tone.

– Stop it! Just stop it! – he gets really angry at this point. She had no idea how hard it was for him. 

She stares at him breathing heavily. She knew she had touched a nerve, and she did not go there to have a fight. It was clear she should not have gone that far, yet her pride kept her from apologising. She let a few moments of silence go by to give him a chance to calm down.

– I just want to understand, Theo… – she says, very softly.

At her place, he would want that too. And he knew she deserved an explanation. But how _could_ he give her one? He couldn’t be honest… But he had to say _something_.

– Please, believe that I never meant to hurt you. I apologise if I have been acting strange and if that affected you in some way. I know you don’t understand and I know this is unfair to you. And I also know that you expect things between us to go back to the way they were, but that’s just not possible anymore…

– So, it is me… I’m the problem. Cause I don’t see you doing this to anyone else… – she was losing her best friend and had no way to stop it. A burn was growing on her chest and she lifted her hand to her heart, as if to help it beating.

He looked at her with the saddest eyes.

– I wouldn’t say you’re the problem. But you’re the reason, yes.

– But I don’t get it… – her voice was just above a whisper. She went to the window and opened it. The breeze on her face dried the single tear rolling down her cheek. Sadness turned to resentment and she said, determined: – I didn’t offend you in any way, we were always close… how can you stop talking to me like that? You need to give me a better explanation, and you better start talking now.

– I didn’t say I wanted us to stop talking. I said we can’t be as close as we used to be, that’s all.

She turned around and confronted him.

– So, how close are we talking about here? “I’ll see you next month” or “a postcard on Holidays and birthdays”, type of close? 

– You think this is easy for me? To keep a distance from you? But I have to put some boundaries, Shailene! Otherwise, who knows what might happen…

– _Boundaries_?! Why do we need _boundaries_??

– Because… – he shouts, but can’t bring himself to finish that sentence. The only possible answer is to show her. He closes the gap between them and kisses her hard, holding her face between his hands. She’s frozen, completely taken by surprise. Her head is dizzy and she takes a few seconds to comprehend what’s happening. But eventually she gives in to the kiss.

This is something new. Unlike anything she has ever experienced before. There’s a hunger in it, a thirst, like if he was in the desert and she was water. Like if he _was_ the desert and she was the storm, sweeping everything ahead of her, whipping him from within. A profound anguish, a profound relief comes from the depth of their souls and explores the ways through their bodies, till it’s consumed in a kiss.

Pieces of clothing fall on the floor. Nothing seemed so bright, so right, as the reflex of the moon chasing them to the bed, the cold wind playing with the curtains. The shadows cut out their shapes against the background of an immense stellar sky mixing with the city lights. It was like the Universe itself was celebrating them. 

That night, she did not go back to her room. They found a new delight in each other and a new breath of life within themselves.


	4. Consequences

_And in my dreams, I meet the ghosts of all the people who have come and gone  
Memories, they seem to show up so quick but they leave you far too soon  
Naïve, I was just staring at the barrel of a gun  
I do believe that_

His phone buzzing woke him up. The sound echoed in his head, he wanted to turn it off, but his body refused to move. It eventually stopped, but it didn’t last long: two minutes after, it rang again. He reached his arm to the bedside table and, making an effort, he read the name on the screen. His heart skipped a beat and his eyes were suddenly wide open. He rejected the call, before it would wake her up too. A few seconds later, he got a text: _“Okay, I got the hint, you want to rest. We’ll talk later, sleepy head!”_. He looked at it for an infinite moment, trying to figure things out. Finally, he put the phone down and looked at her. She was peacefully sleeping on his left shoulder. He pushed the hair off of her face and caressed her cheek. It pained him to drag her out of her dreams to face reality, but he had to. “Shai…”, he whispered on her ear. She moved to the sound, but not enough to open her eyes. He pressed his lips to her forehead, but it still didn’t wake her up. So, he carefully slipped out of bed and went to take a shower. When he came back, she was sitting against the headboard, already dressed, holding a pillow against her chest and with a worried look on her face.

– We need to talk – she announced.

– Yes.

– I don’t usually do this… – he needed to know. She wasn’t that type of person. Never, under any circumstance, had she ever betrayed someone, even during the darkest times of her old toxic relationship. Never had she been _the other woman_. It disgusted her. And yet, she didn’t have the strength to stop that from happening.

– I know… – he sat next to her and hold her hand. – Please, don’t feel guilty. It was my fault.

– You have to tell her – he nodded. Those were already his intentions. After an intense look, she stood up and headed to the door, while asking: – Let me know how the conversation went. And if she wants to talk to me, tell her to come and see me. I’ll take my share of the blame.

He called her name before she left:

– Shailene… I don’t regret it. _Us_.

She gulped. She couldn’t bring herself to say anything. The only possible answer for the moment was to leave. But after she closed the door behind her, she whispered to herself: _Me neither_.

That same afternoon, Theo met Ruth at her hotel room. His manners scared her. There was an urgency, an electric behaviour. She tried to hug him, to calm him down, but he didn’t let her. He mumbled some words, but left ideas suspended in the air, as his thoughts weren’t clear and he couldn’t choose the right words. The first real sentence that came out of his mouth shocked her.

– I fucked up.

Silence. She felt a knot in her stomach, a shiver down her spine. A wave of terror took over her.

– What did you do? – the words could hardly come out through her clenched teeth.

At first, she couldn’t believe it. Anger and pain were bursting from her chest. She let out a scream as tears ran down her face. _And with her?! With her?!_ , she kept repeating. Any touch he attempted was violently repelled. A caress of her hand resulted in explosions of _I will never forgive you_ and _you’re a pig!_. An attempt of an explanation was shut by a slap across his face. An attempt of an apology was hushed by a deafening _get out!_.

Across that hall, doors were getting opened and some heads showed up between the door frames to see what was going on. The hotel maid that was passing by stopped her housekeeping cart to take a good look of his face. He didn’t even care. He deserved it.

Shailene had been locked in her room all day, waiting impatiently for news. She checked her phone every ten minutes and hadn’t even eaten anything. The image of Ruth showing up at her door was constantly popping up on her head. On one hand, she wished that would happen. Her guilt made her want her to storm in that room and slap her hard. That’s what she deserved.

Shai hardly knew Ruth, but just remembering their conversation the previous night made her blush with shame. She seemed so nice. And by now Theo must have already told her what happened. And who it happened with. Shai wondered what might have crossed her mind. She felt backstabbed for sure – by both of them. Maybe Ruth was once worried that her friendship with Theo would turn into something else. And Shai’s concern of ruining her best friend’s relationship was the main reason why, during all that time, she had tried to shut down the rumours that they were together. She rejected all of the fans’ assumptions, she laughed away the provocations made by reporters. They were friends. That’s what they were. Friends. And it never occurred to her to try to change that, simply because she never dated her co-workers. Ruth was led to believe that something like that could never happen.

But then it did. What was she thinking? Right… she wasn’t. It was such a shock, it happened so fast, that she barely had the time to process it. But she could have stopped it. Why didn’t she? Why didn’t she stop the kiss, if she didn’t have feelings for Theo?

That’s what her head told her. But her heart discovered something new that night. What she felt… It was different. It wasn’t just in the heat of the moment. Every touch of his left his affection imprinted on her skin. Every movement of his tried to tell her something he couldn’t in any other way. 

And that conversation they had… he made it clear that he was trying to keep a distance from her, and her alone. His words invaded her mind one more time: _“I wouldn’t say you’re the problem. But you’re the reason”_. Could it be? Could he have feelings for her?

She let herself fall in the bed and muffed a scream of frustration with her pillow. It was all so overwhelming. She couldn’t believe how, in less than 12 hours, her life had dramatically changed. She didn’t even consider what to do next. What did she want? Her phone rang, making her jump instantly.

“Hello?”

_“It’s done.”_

A brief moment of silence followed.

“Does she want to talk to me?”

_“Highly unlikely. She didn’t even want to talk to me. She kicked me out.”_

“Where are you now?”

_“About to drive back, you?”_

“I’m guessing going somewhere to eat.”

_“You haven’t eaten yet!? Never mind, I’m picking you up. Meet me at the entrance in ten.”_

She changed clothes and combed her hair. Then, grabbed her coat and rushed there. She was anxious to know how the conversation had played out.


	5. Resolutions

_High hopes, oh, when it all comes to an end  
But the world keeps spinning around_

They went to a surprisingly quiet coffee shop Theo knew of. He described the conversation in detail as she was finishing her meal. The screams, the insults, it was all pretty much what they both had expected.

– Still, I thought she’d want to talk to me…

– I guess she just wants distance from both of us.

Shailene started to play with the stopper of her water bottle.

– What are you thinking about?

– Just how we screwed up your relationship. Literally.

He snorted. They couldn’t help but to laugh softly. After a quiet minute, he addressed what had been on his mind since that morning.

– So, Shai… what now?

She looked up and tried to read his eyes.

– What happens now? – he asked again.

– What do you want to happen?

He bit his lower lip, not sure if they were on the same page.

– It wasn’t just an urge. It meant something to me. But you must know that…

– In fact, I wasn’t sure… 

– You weren’t sure?!

– I mean, how could I be? This is all new information to me… I didn’t have the time to process it yet…

He looked hurt.

– I know this sounds naïve, but I was hoping last night changed things. I hoped… I don’t know… – he was unsure of whether he should say it – I just thought you might have feelings for me too. I know I felt something. Did you? Or was it just an impulse?

– It was an impulse… – his heart skipped a beat, as she said the four most painful words he had heard. But then she added another four that made him ecstatic – … but I felt something.

His eyes were flooded with hope. 

– I still don’t know what it is. I never thought of you that way before – she softly smiled. Then, laid her hand on his. – But I want to figure it out.

He smiled and hold her hand tight. 

– We need to go slow.

– Sure – he whispered. That was all he needed, a promise. A chance. Two little dimples showed up on his cheeks and she realised how long it had been since she saw that.

– I like to see you smile. It’s been a while. I wasn’t even sure if you could still turn up the corners of your mouth.

He exaggerated a grin to make her laugh. It worked.

– You know, we have a few days until I have to fly back to England. We should enjoy it while we’re both here. 

– Okay… what do you have in mind?

– Anything you want… visit museums, watch a theatre play, drink till we pass… your pick.

– Interesting choices… but I have no current patience to lock myself again inside four walls, and I’m still recovering from last night’s alcohol.

– We’re in New York, I’m sure there’s _something_ we can do!

– How about a walk around the city for now? I could use some fresh air.

– Sounds kind of perfect – anything with her was enough for him.

When they left, he couldn’t stop himself from holding her hand. She let him. She’d let him hold her hand forever, even if she didn’t know it yet.

_**THE END** _


End file.
